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11.27.2006

Meet Ursula:

...I may be a genius. I believe that I am a genius, but I admit I may not be. In any case, I admit openly that I do not behave like a genius, produce things like a genius, or strike anyone else as being one. So then, one of two things is possible. One, I am not a genius, but my belief that I am a genius makes me like one of those people who think they’re clever when they’re not. Two, I am a genius but I have, through years of harsh self-critique, self-doubt and concern that believing oneself to be a genius is asinine, beaten myself into feeling that I am one of those people who think they’re clever when they’re not. Actually, there are more categories. For instance, I could not be a genius and know full well that I’m really not a genius. I could also be a genius and know it full well. In any case, it’s a great failing. If I am a genius, I’ve failed to be one. If I’m not, I’m at least operating under the suspicion that I’m smart, which is always unattractive.

Here is how ideas happen to me. First, the idea happens. Second, I vomit a pile of doubt onto it. The idea no longer looks like anything interesting, it only looks terrible. This is how I know that probably I am in fact not a genius...